just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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