you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
