I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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