the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize