Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
did you just send me my own nude
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
