escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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