Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
