it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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