I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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