I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
