I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
