i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
