a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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