Just fell off a train. Bad.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
