Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
