erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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