This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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