There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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