People in love make me want to vomit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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