its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
