i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
