She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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