She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
