that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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