I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
