After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
