OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
