ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
