Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
