nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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