Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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