he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
