I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
