chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
