hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
