I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
