they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I FOUND THE LEGS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
