dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
