is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
