Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He better not be in your backpack
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize