I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
