I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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