i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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