; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
