I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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