So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
