I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
