im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
