i wish my penis had a tongue
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
