When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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