we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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