i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
