Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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