So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
