i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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