He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
