I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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