just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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