just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
