first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
