Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize