You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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